


What is it doing to my foot?!

by Gennacyde



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Dubious Consent on the part of Ironhide's Foot, Foot Humping, Things you can never unsee, unwanted physical contact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-24 09:01:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gennacyde/pseuds/Gennacyde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mojo loves all of his new friends, but he loves the large dark grumpy one that smells of fire and explosives the most. Poor Ironhide just wants to be left alone and WHAT is that creature doing to his foot now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What is it doing to my foot?!

**Author's Note:**

> Title: What is it doing to my foot?!  
> Verse: Bayverse (2007 pre-RotF)  
> Rating: OHGODMYEYES! um, I dunno R?  
> Characters: Ironhide/Mojo, Sam, Bumblebee, Ratchet, Optimus Prime  
> Tags: Crack-PureandUtter-CRACK, Foot Humping, Bestiality?, Language, Unwanted physical contact, dub-con/non-con for Ironhide's foot, Things-you-can-never-unsee  
> Word Count: 
> 
> Prompt: I have no idea where I got this from, I have had it for a while  
> It's spring on earth and a certain dog has decided to take a liking to Ironhide. Will Sam and the rest of the Bots be able to keep a confused Mojo from humping Hide's foot, or will Hide finally squish him?  
> Poor Ironhide, first He got lubricants leaked on his foot and now this.
> 
> Notes: I wish I could say I was ashamed of myself for writing this... I wish I could. Also this is for Day 9 of the Snowflake challenge. Oh and this is unbeta'd

Bumblebee crawled into main hanger that the Autobots used on the NEST base. It was where they typically relaxed, so that was where Optimus and Ratchet were at the time. The fact that Bee was crawling was unusual, but not as distressing as the sounds he was making or how hard his form was shaking. Ratchet was up and over at his side in a klik. Though Bumblebee's vocalizer had been repaired somewhat, it had not taken long for the repairs to degrade. Currently there were sparks coming from the newest repairs as Bee continued to make some strange static laden noise. 

Prime was up and over to the young scout quickly as well, both looking worried and confused. If something was wrong why hadn't Bee just commed them and why was he crawling around and slamming his hand into the floor like that? Ratchet was busy running scans and yelling at the scout so he didn't notice when Ironhide stormed into the hanger and then right past them in a huff, cursing under his breath. 

Optimus glanced at his weapon specialists retreating form and glanced back down at Bumblebee. It was then that he noticed the position of the scouts door wings and how hard they were shaking right along with them. Bumblebee had not been attacked, he was laughing. Laughing hard enough to have completely blown his knew vocalizer components. Optimus sighed, finding that he had come to rely on that form of human communication more than words lately, as he realized the kind of mood this would put Ratchet in for a while. 

Shortly after Ironhide's appearance came an exhausted looking Sam. The human was breathing hard and perspiring significantly. Optimus leaned down to the boy and scanned him to be sure that he was alright. The scan revealed that Sam was indeed alright, a little tired but alright. It also revealed that in his arms he held the small organic creature that was designated as Mojo. Optimus understood that humans valued and treasured their pets, but he was unused to the creature being brought to the base.

"Uh..." Sam started and then closed his mouth as Optimus studied him. He turned and rushed over to Bumblebee completely ignoring the leader of the Autobots when Ratchet started cursing even louder. "Oh Bee, what happened? You were ok just a bit ago!" Sam said worried as he ran his free hand nervously through his hair.

"This glitch has gone and blown out the brand new repairs to his vocalizer! Thats what!" Ratchet snarled loudly. "I am starting to think he likes communicating through song and interpretive motions." Ratchet added "Because nothing else would explain his complete disregard for medical orders!" The medic yelled and stomped off to another area of the hanger to retrieve some tools and calm himself down.

Bee sat up slowly and calmed himself, he looked worriedly up at Optimus and shrugged sheepishly. He had not intended to make Ratchet angry, but he could not stop the laughter. He winced as Optimus sighed and strode away shaking his head in a disappointed fashion. Bumblebee made small warbly sound before looking over at Sam.

"S..sorry Bee... I.. I had to bring him... He can't be left alone ... You think they will mind that much.. I mean Ironhide wont really squish him right?" Sam asked nervously.

Bumblebee shook his head and tried to reassure his charge, though he couldn't be so sure himself. Ironhide sounded pretty serious when he threatened to terminate the tiny creature.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It had taken a few hours to calm Ironhide down and repair Bumblebee's vocalizer to the point where it stopped shorting out. Of course that had been just enough time for Sam to calm down and relax enough to let Mojo out of his protective grip. He knew the dog would not stray far, or he assumed it would not. Everything was fine until a loud roar shook the hanger. 

Bumblebee reacted fast, pulling Sam up into his arms and drawing a weapon. It took him only a second to recognize the vocal modulations to be Ironhide's. He had heard the weapons specialist roar enough time to know when it wasn't related to a Decepticon attack. Bee relaxed enough to drop out of battle stance and head towards the sound, still holding Sam. What he saw next threatened to offline his vocalizer for good. 

Ironhide was standing there glaring down with his cannons drawn and aimed at his own foot. On top of his foot, some how, Mojo had managed to scramble up and gain some semblance of purchase. This would have been fine supposedly, if it was not made worse by the dog vigorously thrusting against Hide's foot. 

Bumblebee only managed to contain his laughter due to the serious look on Ironhide's face that spoke volumes. The mech was actually calculating whether or not it was worth it to blow his own foot off. Sam, however, did not realize the seriousness of the situation and scrambled out of Bee's grasp and over to Ironhide swiftly removing his amorous pet from the currently targeted appendage. 

"NO Mojo! BAD Mojo!" Sam Rep-remanded the small creature. "Um.. s..sorry Ironhide.. He just... you know.. being small.. dominance issues and everything..we um.. have been trying to get those worked out...training classes.. you understand right?" Sam babbled as he held the dog closer to himself hoping that Ironhide wouldn't shoot.

The large black mech only snarled and stomped off muttering about cleansers and probabilities. Sam was relieved that his prized pet had not been murdered and looked back at Bumblebee. The yellow bot was shaking very hard at this point, but wasn't making a sound. However the movement of his shoulders told Sam that Bumblebee was laughing, even if there was silence. 

"You gonna be ok Bee?" Sam asked, a bit worried and wondered if he should get Ratchet.

Bumblebee nodded. "I'm alright. Nobody worry 'bout me*" Played from his stereo

Sam chuckled "We really need to talk about your music selections sometime Bee." He shook his head as they strode back to the main part of the hanger to relax.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sam was staying with them for the weekend and was glad that by the next morning Mojo had settled down and seemed to have given up on Ironhide's foot as a potential mate. There were several instances where Mojo could have pounced on Ironhide last night, but did not. Sam watched worriedly as Ironhide growled every time Mojo went near him. But since no foot humping incidents had occured Sam felt that everything was ok. So his mood was cheery as he strode into the main hanger to spend time with his alien friends. Mojo followed along his little nails clicking on the concrete.

Sam was so confident in everything being alright that he missed Mojo making a bee-line for Ironhide's foot. The large mech had not noticed anything yet, as he was currently speaking to the Prime. The cant of their heads and low tones of their voice made it seem serious, but Sam knew they would ask him to leave if it was a problem. Ratchet moved over near Bee and had notice Mojo but paid no attention as well.

Everything seemed relaxed until Ironhide snarled loudly. Optimus took a step back his optics widening in shock. The unprovoked response from his gun happy weapons specialist had startled him just a bit as did the sudden emergence of said gun nut's cannons. "Ironhide! Explain yourself." Prime demanded.

Ironhide was too busy snarling and aiming at his foot to respond immediately. The rest of the room's attention was all drawn towards him, and soon all optics and eyes were following the sight of his cannons to what he was aiming at. It turned out to be his foot. Upon which Mojo had again scrambled up on and was enthusiastically humping away.

Sam smacked his face with his palm as Bumblebee fell over in unconstrained laughter. Ratchet looked confused for a few moments and then quickly joined in. With both the scout and the medic laughing Ironhide only grew angrier. He glared down at his foot then at the Prime "I don't care how long it takes to slagging replace. If I have to lose a foot I am shooting that... vermin!"

Optimus being ever the diplomat raised his hands to calm his gunner. "Now Ironhide, there is no need for that. Just remain still." The Prime kneeled down and reached towards Hide's foot to extract the small creature. Optimus was not comfortable letting the human wander into the path of potential fire. It was clear that his weapons specialist was completely serious about blowing his own foot off.

Carefully Optimus reached closer to Mojo who up until that point was happily panting and humping away. As soon as Prime's hand got to close the small creature it snarled violently and snapped at the intruder. Optimus blinked, his expression very human like for a moment. He was surprised at the ferocity of the small creature and it's lack of fear. 

The action and subsequent reaction hurled Ratchet over the edge. First Ironhide's foot, then the small creature viciously protecting it's "mate" and followed by the look on their Prime's face was too much. He fell into a laughing fit that was so uncharacteristic for his usual gruff personality that he glitched and almost dropped off line.

Optimus stood up slowly and looked at Ironhide, his expression grim and serious. "It appears you have been claimed old friend. It would be an insult to this planet and it's cultures for you to exterminate your new mate."

Optimus then turned around and strode stiffly out of the hanger and off into the distance looking regal and full of purpose. The other mechs, and a confused Sam, just stared after their leader with matching expressions of disbelief. There were several long moments of silence from the group, punctuated only by the sounds Mojo was making, before off in the distance a deep booming laugh was heard.

**Author's Note:**

> Song List:  
> *"I'm Alright" Kenny Loggins
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: As I said before.. I have no shame...


End file.
